none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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