if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
