A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I want you more than these girls want KFC
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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