Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
