I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize