Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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