You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
