When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
