he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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