Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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