I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
