he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
