Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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