I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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