be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We need to get me chipped asap
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
