I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The adults are the big ones right?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
