How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
