would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
