we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
