im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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