It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
