I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
