is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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