I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
