i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
