i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
