Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
