I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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