were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
