how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
