Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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