apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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