Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
