Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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