I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
