It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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