Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
