Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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