so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I AM VODKA MAN
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
