i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
