My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
