Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
