Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
