Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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