What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
