i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
