I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
