How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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