Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
