2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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