Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
