Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
