I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
