She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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