you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
