Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
