Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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