But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
