mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
