But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
