I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
time to smoke my breakfast
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
