3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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