No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
