I met the friendliest cop last night
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My balls are so social today.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
