Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
