Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
