there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
