yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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