I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
