I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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