i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
