Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
