also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
