I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize