i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
