not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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