you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so let's talk penis.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
