Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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