did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
a search helicopter?!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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