He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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