If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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